Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
To All of You
These past weeks have been some of the worst of my life. I developed a plan to kill myself yet again, but this time was much more detailed. Life had become laodecian and I didn't feel like it was worth much. I didn't feel that I was worth much. So much easier than trying to change again was to give up and start over. I didn't think about who I owed. I didn't think that life is so much more beautiful than I could ever imagine. Today, an amazing woman through her enormous heart showed me that life was worth trying again. Today, I will tell two stories of people giving what they never had to give to someone they never will owe. I can say without exaggeration that I owe my life to these people.
9-30-07
As I was coming home from seeing my first boy for the first time, I was heartbroken. I was used to flying and commuting on my own, but one mistake I made early on in the trip made going home very difficult. I had forgotten where I had parked at the airport. I searched and searched, yet could not find my car. When I had found it, I realized I'd left the dome lights on...for a week straight. I had no battery and my car would not start. I was stuck, a million miles from a home that I had dissappointed, in a place that I knew no one. I went around asking randoms for jumper cables. Very few people stopped, and those that did did not have jumper cables. One older couple at the very end stopped. They did not have jumper cables they said, but they stayed with me. They helped me call someone, and in a final act of kindness I know I still do not deserve, they paid the fifty dollars for my car to be fixed. They told me that they had a young daughter like me, and they would hope that someone would do the same for her. I have yet to be able to show that level of selflessness to anyone.
6-1-09
I am stone broke. I am living on my overdraft insurance. After many promises of jobs from many references, I secure a job after a month of searching. My student loan has yet to come in, and I already have plans for the excess. I am sitting in a summer class that I was hoping I would be able to get by without buying the textbook, like many of the other classes I had taken previously. The class, however, is based almost entirely on daily reading of two of these books. I am at a loss on what to do. The book due for tomorrow is $50, and I know I do not have the money. I come up with the plan to borrow someone's book and return it at the class I have later that day. One lady insists she can help me out. I am grateful that she is willing to let me borrow the book, but when she goes to her bag and brings it out, she tells me "This one's yours." She goes on to explain that she had been provided one through some service, and that she had also ordered one. You have to know the background of this lady. She has 8 kids, 4 of which are adopted. This spring, she lost her entire house in the flood. She has been living with friends..with her 8 kids remember..since then. She has been thankful every step of the way. I take the book, though I don't feel I can accept it. I don't deserve that kind of selfless giving. All there is now to do is pay it forward...for real this time. Selfless acts that few people know about, but change those few people's lives.
And I can't pay it forward if I'm dead.
9-30-07
As I was coming home from seeing my first boy for the first time, I was heartbroken. I was used to flying and commuting on my own, but one mistake I made early on in the trip made going home very difficult. I had forgotten where I had parked at the airport. I searched and searched, yet could not find my car. When I had found it, I realized I'd left the dome lights on...for a week straight. I had no battery and my car would not start. I was stuck, a million miles from a home that I had dissappointed, in a place that I knew no one. I went around asking randoms for jumper cables. Very few people stopped, and those that did did not have jumper cables. One older couple at the very end stopped. They did not have jumper cables they said, but they stayed with me. They helped me call someone, and in a final act of kindness I know I still do not deserve, they paid the fifty dollars for my car to be fixed. They told me that they had a young daughter like me, and they would hope that someone would do the same for her. I have yet to be able to show that level of selflessness to anyone.
6-1-09
I am stone broke. I am living on my overdraft insurance. After many promises of jobs from many references, I secure a job after a month of searching. My student loan has yet to come in, and I already have plans for the excess. I am sitting in a summer class that I was hoping I would be able to get by without buying the textbook, like many of the other classes I had taken previously. The class, however, is based almost entirely on daily reading of two of these books. I am at a loss on what to do. The book due for tomorrow is $50, and I know I do not have the money. I come up with the plan to borrow someone's book and return it at the class I have later that day. One lady insists she can help me out. I am grateful that she is willing to let me borrow the book, but when she goes to her bag and brings it out, she tells me "This one's yours." She goes on to explain that she had been provided one through some service, and that she had also ordered one. You have to know the background of this lady. She has 8 kids, 4 of which are adopted. This spring, she lost her entire house in the flood. She has been living with friends..with her 8 kids remember..since then. She has been thankful every step of the way. I take the book, though I don't feel I can accept it. I don't deserve that kind of selfless giving. All there is now to do is pay it forward...for real this time. Selfless acts that few people know about, but change those few people's lives.
And I can't pay it forward if I'm dead.
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