"How" by John Lennon

How can I go forward when I don't know which way I'm facing?
How can I go forward when I don't know which way to turn?
How can I go forward into something I'm not sure of?
Oh no, oh no

How can I have feeling when I don't know if it's a feeling?
How can I feel something if I just don't know how to feel?
How can I have feelings when my feelings have always been denied?
Oh no, oh no

You know life can be long
And you got to be so strong
And the world is so tough
Sometimes I feel I've had enough

How can I give love when I don't know what it is I'm giving?
How can I give love when I just don't know how to give?
How can I give love when love is something I ain't never had?
Oh no, oh no

You know life can be long
You've got to be so strong
And the world she is tough
Sometimes I feel I've had enough

How can we go forward when we don't know which way we're facing?
How can we go forward when we don't know which way to turn?
How can we go forward into something we're not sure of?
Oh no, oh no

Tea, Walls, and Closed-mindedness

I peer across the gap, straining to see your eyes. The landscape that once looked familiar to me is now foreign and foreboding, like a postcard from Depression-Era Kansas. Our eyes meet and I catch a glimpse of your humanity, which vanishes in an instant. In its place appears a look that explains the walls that have existed for eternity in your country. Walls that shut them out. Walls that shut me out, tearing me from my mother's bosom. The city must be spotless white, that's what you'd say, if I could hear you.
That's what I said so long ago. I remember washing myself over and over, hiding the filthy rags till they could no longer be hidden. I was so ashamed, then, of the dirt. Little pieces of carnality that desperately clung to my person. Now I am only ashamed of the rags.
Still you glare, your cataractous eyes pleading me to leave my new home and cross back again into the land of shame and white...so much white I know this land must appear black to you. Black and white. Where are the colors? Where are the flowers? "Where is the love?"
Colors are selfish. Flowers self-serving. Love is degraded to lust. I know you think that, for I too did, when I did not have the power to see.
I miss the simplicity, I truly do. But how can I leave this work I have here? How can I abandon the cause that I have dedicated my life to? The people I could help, the plants I could make greener, the skies I could make a brighter blue.
You cannot see my work, yet you criminalize it. Selfish. Worthless. Even...Abomination. We do all those things here, you think. Yet never have you left that walled city. The fools, the broken, the blissfully ignorant that want your help are forced to cross a treacherous bridge, shaking. Boards missing where the unfortunate have lost themselves through. Those who finally did make it, but with questions or wearing the wrong color shoes are turned away at the gate, just close enough to view the pristine dwellings beyond.
I keep staring at your eyes, noticing again the peculiarity of the expression. I am ever-surprised to find not just judgement, but conviction. The fervency with which you believe in these walls. The utter safety you find in them. I cannot hate your eyes.
I glance behind me, reminding me of the beauty of this chaos. I turn again to give you the look of purest pity, for I realize once more that it is you that cannot enter paradise.

Coffee, Love, and Open-mindedness

Go LOVE!!! The protest on Saturday was completely uplifting. A huge group of us chanting words of unity, of respect, that everyone matters. Some of the awesome signs:

Who would Jesus Hate?

Straight Granny for Gay Rights!

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Three flip offs, countless car beeps, and a creepy old guy later, everyone's gathered in a local coffee shop drinking coffee and discussing everything from drunkenness and clothes to New York and music to life philosophies. It was an amazingly eclectic group of people, one that I had not dared hoped existed in North Dakota, much less one that would take me in. The power of protesting is not only it's ability to change those around you, but also its power to change those within the protest. I have only been in three protests ever, but each one has reinforced the conviction of life's power, life's value. It is almost as if the earth itself rejoices with us. Like christmas. Like weed. That is seriously the high I get from demonstrations. High--on love, coffee, and open-minded-ness.

Here's the Dakota Student Article...it's amazing:

Nationwide equality effort hits Grand Forks - News

Glass Desert

My mind torments me
And thrashes around its cage
It longs to get out
Its piercing, agonized cries are filling my ears
I hear nothing but dark, empty silence.

Just one word would quiet the chaos
One glance would calm the pain
One smile to remind me I am worthy
One more chance to make me human again.

My mind has me captured
And drags me down a winding dark road
Down to a pit of self-destruction
My soul flees and is gone
I balk and struggle but to no avail

Won't someone dare to free me from my mind's power?
Reach out a hand and send the sorceror home?
Break the bonds my own heart has made me?
Just break the silence so I am not alone.

Ha--There's others like me! Go life on the left!

I did some research after an immensely heated debate between me and a group of intelligent, yet misguided friends, and happened upon this initiative, proposed by the organization Democrats For Life of America (www.democratsforlife.org). It was an amazing moment to see so many of my ideas put forth by other people. So long have I fought the system that involves Prayer Vigils and Church Petitions by religious zealots who are only prolife because their religion tells them to be, and leaves the non-religious like me and so many other students, women, and liberals in the dust, the only "logical" belief available is one that devalues the very thing that many of us hold dear--life. Life is so precious, everyone deserves it. Especially considering that without religion, we are left with this erroneous yet unshakeable concept of a "person," of life. We cannot define it scientificially, yet we cannot leave it. This concept defines the very essense of the meaning that we so dearly attach to our existance. Who really can know when a fetus becomes a person? Who gets to define what a person is? These questions, in my mind, are unanswerable. That is why I am so against any line we can draw between life and non life, between a women's body and her child. Does "life" begin at conception? I have NOOOO idea. But it could. That uncertainty is the core to why I am Pro-life. Because I place such a value on every person, on every life, that I could not imagine risking ending one. That said, we are not ready for legislation banning abortion. As this initiative outlines, there are so many other steps we must take before that is even a remote possibility. And I am not sure that I would even support anti-abortion legislation after these steps are taken. But without further ado...Here's the proposition, as written by the administrator of Democrats For Life of America:

The 95-10 Initiative

A comprehensive plan that will reduce the number of abortions by 95% in the next 10 years by promoting abstinence, personal responsibility, adoptions and support for women and families who are facing unplanned pregnancy. The 95-10 Initiative seeks to reduce the number of abortions in America through Federal, state and local efforts as well as support and encouragement to volunteers and dedicated people on the front lines helping pregnant women. Much attention has been given to ending abortion or keeping it legal. We believe that we must do more to reduce the abortion rate by helping and supporting pregnant women.

Preventing pregnancy is an important part of reducing the abortion rate in America. There are several ways to address prevention, but there is no clear consensus because of ethical, religious or personal reasons. There are several bills before Congress that address pregnancy prevention. While we have not endorsed a particular bill, we support finding the most effective way to reduce unplanned pregnancies. We cannot deny that abstinence is the only sure way to prevent pregnancy, but we also cannot turn our heads and pretend that our children are not engaging in risky behavior or the fact that contraception is not 100 percent effective. The Federal government has made a commitment to support prevention efforts and allocated a record $288.3 million in FY 2005 for family planning under title X. The program provides access to contraceptive supplies and information to all who want and need them. A priority is given to low-income persons.

Pregnant women who wish to carry their children to term have not received that same commitment from the Federal government. We support helping pregnant women who wish to carry their children to term but because of lack of resources believe abortion is their only option. Senator Bob Casey (D-PA), Congressman Lincoln Davis (D-TN) and Pro-life Democrats in Congress who share this same commitment have introduced the Pregnant Women Support Act (S. 2407 and H.R. 3192) in the U.S Senate and U.S House. The legislation is a comprehensive approach to provide support for pregnant women who want to carry their child to term.

Some of the programs included are:

· establish a toll-free number to direct women to places that will provide support;

· collect accurate data on why women choose abortion;

· provide Pregnancy Counseling and Childcare on University Campuses;

· provide accurate information to patients receiving a positive result from prenatal testing;

· provide counseling in maternity group homes;

· increase the adoption tax credit and it permanent

· eliminate pregnancy as a pre-existing condition with respect to health care;

· provide grants for ultrasound equipment;

· support informed consent for Abortion Services;

· increase awareness about violence against pregnant women;

· require the SCHIP to cover pregnant women and unborn children;

· provide free home visits by registered nurses for new mothers.

Finally, we must protect our children by passing the Child Custody Protection Act, continue to promote Safe Haven laws and support funding programs as the Abandoned Infants Assistance. Democrats For Life of America, 601 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, South Building, Suite 900, Washington, DC 20004 202.220.3066

Just a ride

Thoughts flit through my mind like profanities spewing out of a drunkard's mouth. The sun, the welcoming stench of dying organic matter, home exists in death. Silence. Joyous loud silence. Nakedness, and gloves. Life, living, reliving, in a huge thinsolate glove. Lightening stopped midstrike. Hips. The hair peeking out from under a helmet. A kitten's young instinct. Falling over. Falling down. Clawing up on avocado and rust curtains, with fringe. Carnal Mother flying past me, numbing me, filling my shirt, stinging me with truth. White socks with black shoes. Uncertainty made certain. Spaghetti tossed in the air and spread all over a harlot's robe. Gloves, and hips. Stone hands. Stonehenge. Tenuous beleifs spread like wildfire, shoved up my ass. Aging, old. Reincarnate witch burners. Crystal-glass rosaries shredding my sanity. Jeans. Jeanskirts. A garbage bag of clothes flung to the wind. Freedom. Lithographed indie glasses and converse shoes. Gloves. Safety. Rx.......Liquid courage. Liquid insanity. Gloves. Sheep. Wandering, stumbling. Guilt.

What shepherd will find me now?
Who can remove these gloves?

Bitter, fruitless Hawaiian punch. Empty your glass, Wilkerson pasta.
Paper smile, ecstatic apathy.

Sparkling pierced earrings. Liberated Glee.